16th November 2002

This is a double edition of "wise words" because there was a delay getting
the last update to you because my video camera was fucking up and I
couldn't transfer the stills from the camera to the computer. I have
eventually got around to borrowing a neighbours camera and have downloaded
the pics for the next three editions. I have to fill you in on what has
happened since the 6th. I was at Kevin White's Surprise 50th birthday bash
last Saturday. It was a great do for all who attended, especially Kevin
who was dragged around to his Mum's house on the premise of fixing her
lights and found his Mum's house filled with life long friends..
Unfortunately I wasn't there when he arrived but I bet his face was a
picture. Kevin is one of the Gooner clan and was pictured on these pages
some months ago when the Gooners won the Premiership title. He is a top
banana of wit and high intellect and should be representing us in the
House Of Commons as far as I am concerned. I had a great time meeting up
with a few of the old AC Phoenix / TNS chaps. Big up to Mr Blythe, The
Brothers Hislop and Kev Greeney. Great chats about music and football
(well, what else is there??) with Big Al the reasonable Manc and Phil the
usually unreasonable but well behaved Gooner who played a blinder later on
in the evening when your narrator took a turn for the worse. I was buzzing
and having a gas and then went outside to order a cab and got hit by the
air. I gave the cab company my number and told them to ring me when the
cab was outside. At the time of making the request I didn't realise that
when the cab arrived I would be throwing back some nice red wine. I can
hear you all grossing out and beleive me you are not as disgusted with me
as I am with myself. As I was "Ralphing" in the garden the cab driver
called to say he was outside. "OK mate, eeeaaauuughhh, I am coming right
out, aaaaarrrguuugh". How I managed to answer my phone whilst my eyeballs
were popping out is still beyond me. I crept back inside the house and
requsted that Phil should pour me into the cab and get me back to the
ranch. I almost made it home before another ejection but failed 500 yds
from my house. Luckily for both myself and the cab driver I got the door
open and left the remnants of my dinner for the squirrels. I got home and
prayed on the big white telephone for about fifteen minutes. The upside of
all this turmoil was that I escaped with no hangover. Result!!! I hope
that hasn't grossed you all out but this is the age of reality tv and you
have to take the rough with the smooth.
Next up is Jam Master Jay. One third of Run DMC was shot last week and I
have been a bit tied up and haven't manged to get around to finding out
why he was killed. I love Run DMC. I have many great memories of listening
to their music when I first toured America. I heard a track called "The
King Of Rock" which was from their second album. Our US manager at the
time dug them as well and turned me on to the first album which contains
"It's Like That (and that's the way it is)". I listened to these two
albums a lot when we first toured America and I felt a pang of sadness
when I heard he was gone. I hope they have turntables upstairs.
"I'm The King Of Rock, there is none higher,
Sucker MC's should call me sire,
To burn my kingdom you must use fire,
And I won't stop rocking 'til I retire!"
We also lost Lonnie Donnegan. We spent an evening listening to Noel's Dad
telling us about Lonnie and we paid our respects by listening to his
greatest hits over a late night cup of tea but it is music from another
generation and hard for me to appreciate and even harder for the young
pups I was with. When The Beatles were still The Quarrymen they were all
aspiring Lonnies so without him there would have been no Beatles and for
that alone he has gained his place in rock history.
Went down to Shepherds Bush to watch the Liverpool game with a nice man
called Bob who works for the BBC. Bob was a FGTH fan whom I sent my album
to and we have been in touch via e-mail and thought it was about time to
get together for a beer. Had a quick peek around the Beeb. I have radios
in every room in my house and when I enter the room I put the radio on and
catch five minutes. I have three radios in the studio, one for each room,
so whether I am putting the kettle on, setting up some gear or doing the
hoovering I am always entertained. We had a beer down Shepherd's Bush and
had half an eye on the game which was ruined for me between one and a half
minutes and eighty six minutes. Our conversation was more entertaining
than the Liverpool v Basle game (3-3 draw, we go out) and comparing
musical tastes is always good value. It makes me realise that what we like
and dislike in our music taste is probably the most common ground we share
with other people.
Lastly this week, I went to see Michael Moore do a show last night at The
Roundhouse in London. Seven of us went and he was the daddy. If you know
who he is then you know what I am talking about. If you don't know who he
is then go out and buy his latest book "Stupid White Men" or go and see
his latest movie "Bowling For Columbine". I cannot go into any detail
about what this man does because I don't have the time to tell you about
1% of the entertainment and enlightment this man has brought into my life
via his books, films and tv shows. If you think of the US as a huge dodgy
department store that we don't ever visit then this man is holding open
the curtains on the High St so we can get a real good look at some of the
bad stuff that the world's only super-power is getting up to. I don't know
how much this book costs in your local currency but go out and buy it and
enjoy it. I would like to hear from anyone who follows this advice and
buys it. I loved the show and love Michael Moore and I hoep I am not
writing about his untimely death in this column. That's it for this week,
now let's hear about the handsome devil at the top of this page.